Thursday, June 26, 2008

!Space-Case Journalism!

Hi there again. I’m back from my forced hiatus from the blogging world to unleash myself upon thee one more time. Some perhaps thought that once was quite enough but no! Some more evidence is needed of my life-career, my life.

In this blog I will attempt to speak to you my mind. Firstly, in order to understand this blog one might have to first be taught a lesson on life. It is ever changing so we too must change with it! Language was never meant to be stagnant as today where you HAVE to speak some old language. That’s complete hoggidy-boggidy! To be thineself, to truly know, you must manage to speak a language that is not created. Yes that’s it! You’ve guessed! Knew you’d get it! You must kreate language yourself as you see fit. Be all that you can be! For me!

Now that I seemed to have gotten out of my system we can talk about something more upbeat, such as the control of the media on young, impressionable, young-minds. These children must be saved! Anywhere you see one, just stop what you are doing and save him! Do not waste critical time! Perhaps if you were busy with some sort of errand or chore, perhaps a work-related event such as a fund-raiser, you could be excused but no sick days! We’ve had enough people and their mums phoning in trying to get off sick. Please take this seriously.

In order to see these faults within the system of society today one must have eyes the size of big corporations such as Shell Quickstore, or the J&B Met. These Quickstores are to be avoided! They not only pollute our minds with their insane uniforms and pricing, but they are friendly about it too! Upon asking why a 2ltr CoCa CoLa bottle was R15 I was not even given a stare or a snarl! They proceeded to respond to my question in a free, fair and honest answer! Who are these people? Do they not care about my liberties! I AM a South African you know! The J&B Met is equally polluting. I have not been ever, but I am told that people there sit amongst each other “bet” on horses running? Why bet on horses when there are men standing idle! Why give horses money when so many men don’t have any? They can’t even use it at say a Quickstore? They don’t even have hands! So next time “you take a bet”, make “a big bet”, “and bet on a poor man”.

During my time here on Planetarium Earth, I have discovered two things. I like sweet things (like all humans), but also that talking about religion sucks big-time no matter which side you’re on. Defending it is just as crappy as tearing it apart. However, the question still remains in our heart of hearts, where do we belong? Do we need to complete some task like Mario or Pac-Man? Or do we need to watch a certain amount of hours of SABC 1 or the Rhema channel? Therefore I am starting a religion that is about the praise and glorious nature of religion and its super-greatness? It is called: Religian. No longer do we have to worry about which religion is better or right, since the praise of religion must surely encompass all of those strange cults out there? Damn good thing we discovered this now otherwise most of us would probably have a 1/1023425879786 chance of being in the right religion. Study Religian today, and await death with great antici------pation.

Now that you have been exposed to my mind for six hours, you must surely be tired and therefore now deserve to rest. I am now going to try a new ending literary device I have been working on called “wit”. It works by me saying nice and warm and fuzzy things until you think this blog was heart-warming and wonderful. The little pony jumped into the bush only to peak its head out a little bit to giggle. It was pink and fluffy and its name was Henry. The soft butter on a scone or hot roll. A delicious KFC-meal. Think about the KFC-meal. Think about their wonderful chicken and all the different spices and their chicken wraps covered in mayonnaise. Think about a eeny-weeny little puppy dog saying: “I wuff you! Woof woof!” etc.



Friday, January 25, 2008

Weird & Aarty Prose For The Sexually Secure

To say that Coke is a great drink, would be a terrible understatement. Coke is a natural way for the body to lose wheight. Since fish do not drink Coke, they are unable to fully process their delution properties, and are therefore unable to lose wheight. Now this would come as a terrible surprise to people but life on Earth is not very smart!

See, in order to fully process your delution properties, one needs a drive; a motivation of sorts. A very smart man carrying the name of Wyatt of the town of Jacobstownsonville once said “it is incontroverbly unconstitutional that a man with the name Wyatt can not be allowed to control his own wheight. We live in a society where bears can freely express their emotions without any need for passports or visa!? What about the liberties of the cod in Johannesburg? I demand that this proposal for a better future for everybody, will be seen for what it is; their plain saving grace!”

Now, if it were not for the American band ...Trail of Dead, life would be without any evidence of harmony and flatulence. At once it is melodic to the pea, and in so far to say as “freaky”. But what is it about this band that makes Chris Cilliers like it? Well, they are extremely catchy and patchy, but too much so makes the heart grow fonder and fonder until its catching matching of reality and freedom. People of the cities hear me! Catchy! Patchy! Reality! Matchy!

With the evidence proposed to us as Humanus Naturalis, we can like totally understand possibilities of a new universe. Well, I guess so. This is because we can think not only as Humanus Naturalis, but also as Namanus Haturalis. Back when Reagon was still instilling an indeptitude of murk on these people we love to call our neighbors, our closest ancestor, the cow. People make millions every year writing books to control peoples minds to a one sided battle of the witz and vitz. These books are extremiousbly biased and demands to convert the reader if you will. These books falsely claim that Humamus Naturalis could not pissbly have decended from these so called cows. But apparently unknown to the pseudo-scientists that write these pieces of sheezes, the evidence to support a link to the cows is now abundant throughout the world. A reconstruction on the Natural Histroy Museum in London will now take place to credit the findings and document to younger scientisisiekies that the link between our loving cows of the world, and us, their protectors is now a reality for all. I for one do not believe this nancence in my personal life, because it offends me.

I have never understood why people use the phrasing of “a man cannot be without an island” in todays 2078 of our dear lord, Heesus. Now to fully this, one will have to explain the theory of the enlightenment during the years of 2056 and 2067, I will have to analyze the events regarding the shift in gods, and describe the character of the new Gad.

Back in 2007, a young man named Chris Cilliers headed a company called CompanyCalled. This company became one of the best companies like ever! And people started to praise it as its God. The company was responsible for the products, such as the EventOrganizer, the DeskLamp, and the BlackPen. People bought stocks over the counters of supermarkets, and soon it rivaled YouTube and that stupid Facebuck thing. Well, they soon became so powerful that a war soon broke out between the CC Cult and the rebel scum. The rebels managed to defeat the company as they we well trained in hand-to-body combat. Once victory was served, they spread out across the world to repopulate it. Needless to say there was a lot of sex involved.

The scourge that was the CompanyCalled Company could have destroyed our very minds with their hypocritical and nonsensical producks of despair. Were it not for the rebel scum, my friends, we would be destroyed inside and out. Now once again a new enlightenment is sweeping the globe threatening to destroy our old god. According to the Atheist Movement’s spokesperson Jeen Jappers, this will be a great shift. “It was shocking to behold all that I believed gone up in smoke when I saw this new god. He just came out of nowhere and gave me a slap, right between the eyes. I was like f@#$ this!”

But is this new god so bad? According to the evidence being proposed today, he is a latino man, with very bad skin complexion. He adores black and white photos and loves the Grateful Dead. Movies were a must with him, but recently he has taken negatively towards them. “Fuck these movies man! They are just a representation of the general IQ out there in TVLand. Keep politics out of my goddam TV plz. I am god you know? Apparently they waste a lot of precious golden wood and lumber in the tropical rainforests. Whatever man, the guy was some kind of scientist of something. Whatever! Whatever! Yeah you shut up.”

This story might seem foolish, even crazy and bizzaro, but hear me. It is all I believe, believe I all is it.


Greetings fellow Humans.

I thought I'd make this blog to get back in touch with HumaNature. You know, voicing opinions in a blatant attempt at attention-whoring, posting pictures of yourself for instant-gratification, etc. I have been missing out on all these wonderful adventures!

This however, is nothing to be ashamed of. Its only Humanature. Therefore you may continue on your path to inevitable destruction. You have my blessing fellow Humans.

In this blog you can expect everything that tingles your tangle, wiggles your waggle. However, do not expect the following:

1. Correct Spelling! - Spelling correctly might make you seem more educated but it is of total irrelevance in this blag. If you need to know why then you probably shouldn't be reading this blag. It will only upset you measly Humans. Here's a hint: work smarter, not harder!

2. Factually Correct Statements! - We are bombarded with facts everyday, as we are strewn with myths. Which is which? Answer: They are all the same. In fact, if maybe we just stopped answering so many questions, we might find that we just don't need them anymore.

If you are not singled out yet, then you may be eligible to continue reading.
If you are indeed singled out, then, well, you could read on but I can't guarantee that it will be a rewarding exercise.

For example, there are many things which you will have to take for granted when you subscribe to this blag. For example, there are many things which you will have to take for granted when you subscribe to this blag.

Anyhoo Dahlings! Have to be off, on my rounds.


Labels: , , , , , , ,